Ross' letter

Dear Megan, one of my closest friends,

In 2017, as you know, I went through a severe depression. I couldn't eat, I could hardly sleep, I tried to shut myself off from others and no longer enjoyed the things I used to.

But that wasn't the full picture.

Away from others - including you - I would cry every day, sometimes many times a day.

I lost hope and had decided suicide was the only way out. 

I had made a plan for when, where and how and I was absolutely sure I would do it. I felt I needed to do it. I believed it would be the only way to end my suffering.

You knew I was struggling and would encourage me to speak about how I was feeling. You didn't judge, you didn't criticise, but you were there to listen and make me feel a little less alone.

All I wanted to do was go to bed and shut off from the world. But you somehow convinced me to come hillwalking up Ben Lawers with you one weekend.

The following weekend I decided to do another mountain, and then another the following weekend and so on.

Being out in the fresh air, doing something active, with a very simple focus of walking to the top of a mountain and down again made me feel a little bit better.

Standing on top of a mountain looking out gave me perspective and the head space I couldn't find below the clouds.

During those walks we would talk, and you were one of a small group of people I was able to offload to, and that made a huge difference. 

The more hills I climbed, the more I opened up about my feelings, the more hope I found. It wasn't easy, there were setbacks along the way, but in time I recovered from experiencing suicidal thoughts.

I may not have made that recovery if you weren't in my life, and I'm so very grateful you were there. You introduced me to the beauty of Scotland's hills, but more than that, you were a supportive, caring and non-judgemental friend when I really needed it most.

Thank you, Megan.

love, Ross