Clare's letter

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In this letter, Clare wishes that she had known that asking about suicide is the best way to prevent it.

Dear Gerry

You kept quiet about feeling suicidal.

Whilst you spoke about your worries and struggles in life, I listened but didn’t pick up on the intensity of your pain.

You masked this well through your laughter and jokes. I wish you had talked to me about how bad you were feeling.

Your suicide has left us with such sadness, so many unanswered questions and what ifs.

Being bereaved by suicide has made me seek out information to understand more.

This has helped me to support my son Andrew through his own dark times.

Even though suicide is such an upsetting thought, I have learnt to ask Andrew if he felt suicidal and had a suicide plan.

These uncomfortable questions helped him to talk, in a space deeper below the surface, and although it was difficult for him to share his painful thoughts about suicide, and heartbreaking for us to hear, this has helped us to understand how he is really feeling and possible ways to support him.

I have sat with Andrew on many nights, sometimes in silence, just to be there with him.

I have encouraged him to talk, to be open and share his painful thoughts and feelings with me. It has been difficult to get him the help he needs but we are getting there together, he is not on his own.

We are slowly moving forward, it takes time and no doubt we will have many ups and downs to come, but there is light in the darkness, there is always love and hope.

There is help out there but reach out, don’t give up. Our experience has shown us, it's finding the right help from the right person, this takes time, but it is possible.

We never got to say goodbye to Gerry, we miss you dearly, your smile, your laugh, your funny jokes and voice overs. Your suicide has changed our lives but please know we hold you close in our hearts forever.

Love you loads, Clare